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"Hard is not hopeless." - General David Petraeus

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

On Old Age, Patience, & Not Writing

I'm thankful I don't have to put on airs for God.  We should always be honest with Him since He knows our deepest thoughts anyway.

One of the thoughts I've been thinking a lot is that I don't like having a body that can't keep up with the demands I place on it.

Big deal you say.  Billions of people have been there, done that.  I know.  But I've never been 46 before.  Never had to deal with the problems that come with advancing in years.  And in two days I start a new first--I turn 47.  Just a hop skip and a jump from 50.

I'm not dealing well with getting older.  I mean I could care less about numerical years.  But if I want to kickbox 7 days a week and my body can't hold up--THAT I care about.  It oughta be able to take whatever I dish out, that's how I see it.  I'm my own drill sergeant. 8-)  Given my druthers, I'd kickbox and weight train till my arms and legs fell off.

But instead I have to deal with boring physical rest days where I have to force myself to stay away from the heavy bag and the weights. BAH!  BORING!

Which brings me to the second point of this post--I'd long heard that the older you get, the less patience you have.  My patience is definitely getting thin (hence why I NEED more heavy bag time. LOL!)

But it affects me in other ways too.  For example, after a 10 year layoff, I started taking banjo lessons again.  Because I was an idiot and left my banjo in the closet for the last 10 years, I'm having to start from scratch and learn from the bottom all over again.  Maybe it's just my imagination, but it seems harder to make my fingers do the chord changes--switching smoothly between chords is going to be the death of me and I find myself VERY impatient with myself as I practice.

But I need to bring my impatience under control.  After all, demonstrating patience is one of the fruits of the Spirit.  And my patience fruit is rotten and dropping from the tree!

And writing---if ever there was an activity on the face of the earth that required utmost patience, it is writing.  How will I ever resume work on my novels if I don't learn to temper my impatience?

That's by far not the only fault of mine that needs work, but at present, lack of patience is the most pressing.  After all, what do I gain by being impatient?  It won't make my left shoulder more cooperative to a heavier boxing schedule.  It won't make me change banjo chords faster.  And it won't help me write a high quality novel either.

Which is a long gusty way of saying--it's an area I need to focus on through prayer.  I can't accomplish change on my own strength, but if I trust God to do it, it will happen.  Then I'll have a satisfying boxing schedule, I'll make steady progress on the banjo, and I'll do all the things on my bucket list like writing books.  But I have to be willing to let Him work in me.


T... said...

Please forgive me for being blunt. This is not intended to be smart or rude. But reread what you said. Listen to yourself. Just as an opinion, or assution if you will. There is complaining to much. I know maybe that is what you intended. But this is just a nice note to let you know that it's ok to age. It is what it is. Find the good in the in it. Don't live your life on the bad of it. Find the good and move forward. It will be ok. That's the challenge that is given to you. Can't you see that? It is a bigger challenge than you being a drill Sargent. It is a bigger challenge making your fingers move in coordination with the rest of you physical and mental. It is a bigger challenge for you to physically exert yourself now. That is why we grow older because our bodies need the challenge that is even greater than being young. We were taking baby steps now we are walking.....
Sincerely. T....

B.K. Jackson said...

I appreciate your candid thoughts on the subject and there is much validity to what you say.

I wish I could just roll with it, but it's not that simple. What I didn't express in this post are physical limitations I've been subject to all my life. In other words, I feel I'm just NOW having a chance to live--so to have a physical body that is not cooperating with that chance of really experiencing life is not so easy to take. No matter what anybody says, or no matter what my life is compared to someone else's (because people always feel compelled at this point to tell me about how much worse another person has it then I do--a fact of which I am already quite well aware).

Bottom line--I simply don't think it's asking too much to be able to live life to the fullest and expect my body to come along for the ride.

I don't want to walk. I want to run. FINALLY.

Thank you most kindly for your comment. I will keep it in mind.