I've been a little freaked out because my desire to write has been dead. Complete and utterly.
I've not written a word since June--what I thought had been a conscious choice by me to pursue regaining a healthy life. But as the weeks went on I realized there was purpose behind the writing layoff, and it had far more to do with God's plans then my own. When I realized that, I was thinking, "That's cool, God. I can put aside writing indefinitely or (gulp) forever for your plans. What is it you want me to focus on instead?"
Only problem is, several weeks went by with no answer. Have I mentioned I get frustrated when God doesn't tell me everything? *-)
Well in the last couple weeks the light bulb FINALLY came on. I've mentioned here many times before how badly I feel being spread thin by life: an extremely stressful day job which sucks the life out of me, trying to run errands, manage a household, live healthy, take care of the dog, sandwich writing into any available minute of my life--and teaching youth in Sunday School, which I have been doing for about the last 3-4 years.
But when you are spread thin, ALL parts of your life are affected. That includes sometimes not applying yourself whole-heartedly to preparing lessons or simply not getting the quality lessons you want because there's simply no more gas in the tank to reach for as fuel.
Junior high is a critical age. It has long been my desire to find a way to reach these kidd with God's love and specifically, I know I have been called to teach them His word--to build it into their lives so that leatherbound volume of 66 books of God's revelation isn't just words on the page, but their very breath.
That's a lofty goal, and one that's hard to bring about with today's teens, especially since so many have attention issues. It's a challenge simply getting a teen to read.
So at last I realize my writing has been brought to a halt, at least for now, while I work on improving myself as a teacher. I feel more energized to tackle the task every week, and we're trying some new things with some of the kids to try and help them dig deeper. I plan to attend a youth workers conference in the fall which I hope will inspire me with more ideas, and maybe help me connect with other youth workers to share ideas.
Now that I know why my writing plans were de-railed (at least one of the reasons), I'm not freaking out. I'm willing to wait (I say at this moment) for things to play out and for God to achieve His purpose in all this. I need to just trust Him and keep going.
BTW, I'd like to close with a request that you pray for your church's youth and the youth workers. I know they would covet your prayers.