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"Hard is not hopeless." - General David Petraeus

Friday, March 20, 2009

An attack of nerves!

You know one thing I've made a crucial part and a priority for my rewrite is prayer. A novel is such a huge undertaking - so complex, that I pray for God's guidance as I re-write. By that I mean I ask Him to give me clarity of mind as I work through each chapter. To give me focus, and the ability to review the story from different angles. Life is so hectic and I'm being pulled in so many different directions all day and all night, I just want God to help me focus my attention carefully during my writing time.

And He has honored my prayers. It's fun doing the re-write. Being opened to new things in the story you didn't see before. I'm sure I will go through this process several more times through various rewrites.

But now I've hit a new snag. I've reached the middle chapters of my story and despite starting each session with prayer I am being attacked with doubts.

What if the middle of the story doesn't hold up?

What if I can't do it?

Who am I to think I could write a novel anyway? Get real!

And we all know who is responsible for planting seeds of doubt in our heart. The father of lies. But still, when those doubts creep up on you, it gives you the shakes - makes you nervous and jittery.

Fortunately, in my many decades on earth I've learned a few things so despite the case of nerves, this just prompts me to do one thing - pray even more. My deepest desire is simply to finish this book. It's not about publication, though that would be nice. It's about finishing something I started. My first novel. The story that will decide whether I'm a true writer who finishes what they start, or if I just talk the talk and don't follow it through with completion.

And though doubts shake me, I have something now I didn't have for a long, long time. Absolute belief that this book will be finished.

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